I get accused of being a perpetual optimist, but that’s just because I tend to dream heavily.
Then when I look back at these words a month later, I feel completely depressed about the current state of things, but, that weight serves as the motivation to do something about it.
It’s a cycle, excitement, disenchantment.
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At some young age I was traumatized by a television set. This led me to be perpetually fascinated by the power of media, and the pursuit of any ability to wield that power. Fortunately, the barriers to create media have been reduced, so that anyone with a sliver of time, and a bit of equipment can make creative works. As you can tell, the quality of these works decreases exponentially with the quantity, but there’s still some fun stuff out there.
I am devoted to the quality end of that spectrum, indeed if I could have my way, I’d never publish anything because it could always be better. That’s how I’ve done things for years, playing piano for myself, making animations & videos for myself, being entirely introspective with my work. After years of preparation, I am ready to reverse this trend and push media.
Then, I got a wonderful girlfriend, graduated from college, got a job and ran out of time. Right when media begins to blossom into a two-way conversation, I am in the worst place possible to take advantage of it. I don’t have the money or connections to strike out on my own, and I don’t have the luxury time that is afforded to students and younger people. Quite a dismal state of affairs.
I have so many ideas and so little ability to realize those ideas, it’s depressing.